


May Angels Lead You In

by SamDeanandCas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-03
Updated: 2013-07-03
Packaged: 2017-12-17 13:35:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/868152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamDeanandCas/pseuds/SamDeanandCas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas always wanted to be an angel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	May Angels Lead You In

**Author's Note:**

> So basically this was inspired by the song Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World and I highly recommend listening to it either before or while you’re reading this. I’ve written this kind of fic before but for a different fandom. I have to say, I only recently got into Supernatural like a week ago, and I’m only on season 4 so I apologise if the characters are off or anything like that. I used the bunker as their home because I didn’t think a motel fit. Also, Castiel is just a human, he’s not an angel or anything like that.

 

_May Angels Lead You In_

 

 

It all started just over a week ago. Cas hadn’t been feeling well for a couple days. He’d been tired, been throwing up, all of his limbs had been aching, had barely gotten out of bed. He just wasn’t himself.

 

Bobby had called Sam and told them about a potential demon up around where he was in South Dakota. The brothers instantly jumped on the case and agreed to drive out there straight away. They had initially agreed that Cas would stay at the bunker and rest, and they would call and check in on him while they were gone.

 

“I’ll miss you,” Cas spoke up softly as Dean packed for his latest case.

 

Dean smiled softly, “Yeah I’ll miss you too, but you need to rest, okay? No wild parties while we’re gone or I’ll be pissed,” he joked.

 

Cas chuckled softly before letting out a cough and grimacing.

 

Dean watched on like a concerned parent, “How’re you feeling anyway?” he questioned as he sniffed a shirt and shrugged before shoving it into his dufflebag. 

 

“Sore, nauseous, tired... The usual,” Cas sighed, looking up at him from the bed. “I need the bathroom,” he said before he dragged himself out of bed. Dean placed a hand on Cas’s bicep and helped him up from the bed, steadying him as his legs shook. He lovingly squeezed his arm before letting go and watching him walk to the connecting bathroom.

 

Dean sighed and grabbed another plaid shirt from his dresser and shoved it into his bag. He looked around and decided he was finished packing before zipping up the bag. Just as he went to swing the bag onto his shoulder, a loud thud came from the bathroom.

 

He frowned, “Cas?” he called.

 

No answer.

 

“Cas,” he tried again, this time moving towards the bathroom.

 

Still no answer.

 

Dean reached out and pushed the door to the bathroom open, and froze as he found Cas lying motionless on the floor, his skin pale and clammy, his chest barely moving.

 

“Oh my god.”

 

* * *

 

 

Cancer.

 

It was cancer.

 

_Cancer._

 

The word ran through Dean’s mind again and again as he stared at Cas in the hospital bed in front of him, hooked up to various machines as he sat silently. Neither of them had spoken a word since finding out the truth. Neither of them knew what to say. Dean hadn’t been allowed to see Cas for a while during the time that the doctors were running every test under the sun to find out what had happened. Finally after what felt like days, a doctor emerged and explained Cas’s diagnosis to Dean. But Dean had stopped listening after that single word came out of the doctor’s mouth.

 

Cancer.

 

We’ll do everything we can.

 

We’ll fight it aggressively.

 

He’s young, he should survive it.

 

Dean shook his head, _You’re damn right he’ll survive it or help me God._

 

* * *

  

After returning to the bunker from the hospital, Cas retired to bed, drained from the day’s events. Dean didn’t blame him, just kissed him on the forehead and watched him walk away, his heart heavy in his chest. As soon as Cas was out of sight, Dean sat down on the concrete steps and buried his head in his hands, running his fingers through his short hair. He sighed heavily and stared across the room blankly, not really focusing on anything, just thinking.

 

Moments later, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, scrolling through his contacts before selecting Sam’s number and pressing ‘call’. He sighed heavily again, trying to regain his composure. After Cas had collapsed, Sam and Dean had agreed that Dean would take Cas to the hospital and Sam would ask Bobby to come collect him, seeing as Bobby still needed help with the job.

 

“Hey, what’s happening?” Sam’s voice finally came through the phone.

 

Dean opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know where to start. He just didn’t know.

 

“Dean? Is everything okay?”

 

Finally, Dean managed to force out his brother’s name, “Sammy,” he choked out, his voice hoarse.

 

“Dean? What’s wrong? What happened?” Sam asked, his worry increasing by the second.

 

“It’s-“ Dean’s voice broke and he quickly cleared his throat, “It’s Cas,” he continued, closing his eyes and shaking his head, “He’s uh... He’s real sick,” his voice broke on the last word.

 

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a moment before Sam finally spoke, “Sick? What do you mean sick? How sick?”

 

“He’s... He’s uh... Son of a bitch,” he cursed as his voice broke and he fought the tears threatening to fill his eyes, “He’s got cancer, Sammy.”

 

“What?” Sam breathed quietly after a few moments of silence.

 

Dean huffed out a humourless laugh, “Yeah, cancer.”

 

“How’s he... I mean, how’s he dealing with it? How are _you_ dealing with it?”

 

Dean shook his head, “He hasn’t said much, just went straight to bed when we got back. Me on the other hand, well I’m going stir crazy, Sammy. I mean, it’s cancer. It’s not exactly a walk in the park.”

 

“Yeah, I know. Listen, forget this job, I’m just gonna come home,” Sam said, speaking to Bobby in the background.

 

Dean shook his head, “No Sam, Bobby needs you there. Stay and finish the job.”

 

“Dean-“

 

“I said stay, Sammy.”

 

Sam sighed before responding, “Fine. I’ll be home in a couple days, let me know how he’s doing.”

 

“I will. Be careful out there. I’ve already got one of you with cancer, the last thing I need is the other getting torn apart by some demon,” Dean joked lightly.

 

Sam sighed at his brother’s attempt at lightening the situation, “Dean...”

 

Dean nodded, “I know, I know. Just be careful.”

 

* * *

 

 

Cas returned to hospital a few days later to start his treatment, and Dean was right by his side. He’d gotten word from Sam that the job was going to take a little longer than expected, so he devoted his time to Cas and looked after him every second of the day. Even as the treatment started, he was glued to Cas’s bedside, their hands linked constantly, only parting when Dean left to get food or go to the bathroom.

 

The doctors were using aggressive chemotherapy. And when they said aggressive, they meant _aggressive._  

 

Over the next week or so, Dean watched as Cas became sicker and sicker due to the medicine. His beautiful brown hair was falling out rapidly, leaving bald spots all over his head. He could barely even move. Dean wasn’t so sure that the medicine was even helping.

 

Some days were better than others and Dean would be able to keep Cas smiling, but then other days he spent hours holding a bucket in front of Cas while he threw up constantly and whimpered in pain at the slightest movement.

 

Once Sam finished the job, he went straight to the hospital. As he entered the room, he froze at the sight of Cas. It wasn’t the Cas he knew. This Cas was pale, clammy and looked like his bones would snap if you laid a finger on him. Dean didn’t look much better, he looked like he hadn’t slept in six months and Sam was willing to bet he hadn’t left Cas’s side once.

 

And he was right.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The treatment wasn’t working.

 

The cancer was too advanced and the treatment just wasn’t working.

 

“What do you mean the goddamn treatment isn’t working, have you seen what it’s done to him?!” Dean yelled at the doctor who delivered the news.

 

“I’m very sorry, and it’s very unfortunate that the treatment hasn’t worked like we hoped it had. We have tried everything,” the doctor explained as he stood at the foot of Cas’s bed.

 

“Bull,” Dean spat.

 

“Dean,” Cas breathed weakly, trying to calm him down.

 

Dean sighed and took in a deep breath to calm himself down as the doctor explained their next steps. Cas was given two options; he could either continue with the treatment and just pray that it worked, or the treatment could be stopped and he could go home and just let his body fight the disease by itself.

 

Cas chose the second option.

 

“Cas!” Dean yelled.

 

Cas looked up at Dean, his eyes tired and sunken, “Dean, I can’t do it anymore. You’ve seen what the treatment does to me. I... I just can’t,” Cas whimpered, shaking his head.

 

Dean softened and his eyes grew sad. He reached down and took Cas’s hand in his own, “Okay.”

 

* * *

 

 

It was the middle of the night a week later when Sam got up for a drink of water. His bare feet padded through the bunker as he wearily rubbed his eyes while making his way to the kitchen. Since it was in the small hours of the morning, he wasn’t really expecting anyone else to be up, so it was understandable when he jumped in fright when he noticed Dean sitting at the large table in the middle of the room, several books splayed out in front of him.

 

“Dean?” Sam spoke up, catching his brother’s attention and forcing him to look up from the mass of books in front of him.

 

“Hey Sammy,” Dean spoke, his voice rough from lack of sleep. He looked at Sam for a split second before lowering his head to the books again.

 

“Dean it’s almost two o’clock in the morning, what are you doing up? Did you even go to sleep?” Sam asked as he sat down opposite his brother.

 

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” Dean sighed, his eyes roaming over the pages of the book that lay on top of the pile.

 

“What are you looking for? What are all these books for? Have we got a case?” Sam questioned.

 

Dean ignored him, didn’t even look up as his eyes scanned over the words on the pages in front of him.

 

“Dean!”

 

“There has to be something in here, something, anything! C’mon,” Dean whispered, shoving one book out of the way and pulling another in front of him. Sam watched as his brother flicked through pages and pages, his brow furrowed. Dean shook his head angrily, “Son of a bitch!” he cursed, slamming his hands down on the book before pushing it away and burying his head in his hands.

 

“Dean! What is wrong with you? What are you looking for?” Sam shouted.

 

“Something to save Cas,” Dean whispered so quietly that Sam almost didn’t hear him.

 

Sam’s face fell and he looked sadly over at his brother, suddenly feeling bad for shouting at him. He sighed, “Dean, you know Cas has cancer-“

 

“Believe me, I’m well aware of that fact, Sammy,” Dean spat, glaring at his brother.

 

“There’s nothing you can do. There’s nothing in any of these books that will help Cas. Nothing here will make him better.”

 

“But-“

 

“There’s _nothing you can do.”_

 

Dean looked up at his brother, his eyes full of sadness, “I just wanna help him,” he broke.

 

Sam nodded, “I know, but right now the only thing you can do is be there for him. You and me. He needs comfort. He doesn’t need you tearing apart the Earth trying to find a way to help him, because you can’t.”

 

Dean stared at his younger brother for a moment, knowing he was right. He sighed and ran his hands over his face. He took a moment to collect himself before standing up and leaving the table. Sam was right. He had to be there for Cas.

 

Cas needed him more than anything.

 

* * *

 

 

“I want to be an angel, Dean,” Cas whispered one night as they lay in bed, his blue eyes shining brightly in the soft light coming from the nightstand. Their hands were linked tightly, fingers interlaced as they lay together. Dean’s head rest on Cas’s chest, making the most of their time together and listening to his soft heartbeat, neither of them really knowing how much longer they had. “I want to be an angel.”

 

Dean lifted his head from Cas’s chest to look into the bright blue eyes he knew and loved. A small smile graced his lips, “Why’s that?” he breathed.

 

Cas smiled softly as his eyes shifted to the wall, “I want to save people, look after people,” he breathed, pausing before chuckling softly, “I want the wings, those huge, beautiful wings...” he trailed off for a moment before finishing, “A-and I don’t want to hurt anymore.”

 

Dean smiled sadly, “You’ll be a great angel, I know it. But you have to come visit me, alright? I wanna see those wings.”

 

Cas huffed out a laugh and smiled, “Of course.”

 

* * *

 

 

Later that night, Dean rolled over in bed, unable to sleep. He sighed heavily and turned to look at Cas, smiling softly at how peaceful he looked. But then he froze. Something was wrong. Something was so very wrong.

 

Cas wasn’t breathing.

 

“Cas?” Dean asked, gently shaking his shoulder.

 

Nothing.

 

“Cas!” Dean shook his shoulder harder.

 

Still nothing.

 

“Cas c’mon, this isn’t funny. Wake up!”

 

Cas still lay motionless.

 

“SAM!”

 

* * *

 

 

Cas had gone into cardiac arrest in his sleep. The doctors had managed to resuscitate him and he was stable, but only just. He wasn’t breathing on his own and his heart was weak. Dean stood silently at the door to Cas’s room, his legs numb as he looked at Cas in the hospital bed - a sight that had become increasingly familiar over the past while. He was even paler than before, if that was even possible, and he had every single machine attached to his body in some way. He looked... broken.

 

Dean forced himself into the room and over to Cas’s bedside where he collapsed down into the chair by the bed. He reached out and took Cas’s hand in his own, not really knowing what to say. What could he say? His eyes filled with tears and he shook his head.

 

“I-I love you, Cas. I really do. And I’m sorry for not saying it enough,” he whispered, staring up at Cas’s face.

 

He choked back a sob and rest his forehead against their joined hands, “I know you’re tired of fighting, a-and that’s okay, Cas. You fought good. But... you can go be an angel now, just like you wanted,” Dean smiled softly, remembering the last conversation they’d had, “I don’t want you to hurt anymore, just let go.”

 

Barely a second passed after those words left Dean’s mouth before Cas’s heart monitor suddenly began beeping like crazy before flatlining. Dean let out a heavy sob as he held tightly onto Cas’s hand.

 

The door to Cas’s hospital room burst open and suddenly the room was flooded with doctors and nurses who began frantically running around Cas’s bed, pulling at various plugs and switches, pressing nearly every button on every machine as the heart monitor continued to flat line loudly. To Dean, that was the only noise he could hear. He couldn’t hear the head doctor screaming at his staff, or the beeping of the other machines, or the nurses frantically talking to each other. No, none of that, his ears only focused on the never-ending flatline of the heart monitor.

 

“Cas!” he screamed, his voice hoarse as his throat began to close up as he was dragged from the room by a nurse and pushed out into the hallway before the door to the room slammed loudly. Dean’s tear filled eyes stared through the small window in the door, not blinking as he watched the doctors and nurses rush around, slowly becoming blurred by the tears he was trying to hold back. His jaw clenched tightly as he watched them trying to save Cas, trying to bring him back. But he knew their attempts were futile, he knew that Cas was gone. He just knew it.

 

His thoughts were confirmed when all of a sudden, the medical staff stopped rushing around and stood by Cas’s bedside. The head doctor turned to look at the clock on the wall before nodding to himself, calling Cas’s death.

 

Dean finally let his tears fall. The tears he had so desperately been trying to hold back for so long. He never let Cas see him cry, not once. But now... well now Cas was gone, Dean didn’t have to be strong anymore.

 

An animalistic sound emerged from between his lips as he slammed his fist into the pristine white wall beside him. He leaned both palms flat against the wall and breathed heavily for a moment before he turned and slid down the wall, resting on the floor. 

 

Loud and heavy footsteps suddenly came from around the corner of the hallway and Dean looked up just in time to see Sam rushing around the corner, his eyes searching the hall frantically before spotting Dean on the tiled floor, his heartbroken eyes meeting Sam’s own concerned ones.

 

“Dean?” Sam called as he quickly made his way down the hall towards his brother.

 

Dean shook his head, not trusting himself to speak as his bottom lip quivered. He lowered his head to his chest as Sam approached him and kneeled down in front of him.

 

“Dean?” Sam asked again.

 

“He’s gone, Sammy,” Dean spoke quietly, his voice hoarse and shaky, “Cas is gone.”

 

* * *

 

 

It had been several weeks since Cas had passed and things hadn’t been the same for Dean. He didn’t know how to cope. He kept most of his grief to himself, as usual. Sam understood, he didn’t try to pressure his brother into sharing. He knew he would do it in his own time.

 

It was late at night and Sam had gone out to get some food since all they had in the fridge was beer, leaving Dean by himself in the bunker. He was sat on the concrete steps near the entrance to the bunker, in near enough the same position he had been in that day they had found out that Cas had cancer. He huffed out a humourless laugh at that thought. That day seemed miles away, like it had happened ten, twenty years ago. Dean shook his head a closed his eyes, taking another swig of the beer he held in his hand. 

 

He just wished Cas was still here. God, he missed him more than anything. He dreamed about him every night and woke up in sweats, half expecting Cas to be lying beside him. But he wasn’t. He never would be again. And God damn, that hurt.

 

Dean sighed and took another swig of beer, opening his eyes again. But when he did, he screamed in surprise, “Son of a bitch!”

 

Cas. It was Cas. 

 

He was standing right there in front of him, and he looked... good.

 

Cas smiled softly over to Dean, who stood up.

 

“Cas? Is-is that you?”

 

Cas smiled and nodded.

 

Dean ran a hand through his hair, “Are you okay? I mean, are you good?”

 

Cas smiled and nodded again.

 

Suddenly the lights began to flicker, which showed Dean the most spectacular sight. As the lights flickered, Dean was instantly aware of a silhouette behind Cas. And as he realised what it was, he grinned, “You got your wings,” he breathed.

 

Cas simply smiled.

 

The lights stopped flickering and returned to normal as Dean made his way over to Cas, stopping right in front of him. He reached up towards Cas’s face, “Can I?”

 

Cas’s eyes saddened and he shook his head. Dean’s face fell but he nodded, understanding.

 

They stood in silence for a moment before Dean finally spoke up again, his voice shaking, “I love you, and I miss you.”

 

Cas smiled sadly and stared at Dean for a moment before he looked up to the ceiling and suddenly disappeared.

 

Dean frowned and looked around, but a small smile graced his lips and he chuckled softly, “Castiel the angel,” he breathed.

 

It fit.


End file.
